shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
