Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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