I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
