it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm like, not good at living.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
