Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
