It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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