She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize