your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
