I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
