dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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