One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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