I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize