In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's always time for handjobs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
