just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
