she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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