no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
