On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
