It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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