I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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