Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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