i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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