you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
