You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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