actually, I'm a sock model
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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