please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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