can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize