his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
