Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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