i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
