i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, beer. Big fan.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
