It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
