Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
