that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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