You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
