pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am puke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
