I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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