2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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