I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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