I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
