is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
