Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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