Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
