Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
