I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize