you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
