my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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