I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
