So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
