the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
