Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
