My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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