Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's blow job season.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
