Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My penis needs a shock collar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
