I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
