I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
