girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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