i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
