I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me. At least after what I've been through.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
