Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
