He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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