No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
