I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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