while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
