Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
