Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
