I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
