coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
