Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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